r/AITAH Jul 21 '24

Advice Needed AITAH for not sharing my only plate with a pregnant woman?

I recently found out I have a gluten allergy. Which explains all of the stomach pains, and aches I've had when trying to eat anything my whole life. Since finding out about the allergy, I've been making sure to avoid foods that contain even trace amounts of gluten, because even a small amount causes indigestion and in some cases vomiting.

I was invited out to breakfast with some of my friends, and I let them know of the allergy so we could pick somewhere that actually had food I could eat. The place we settled on is a really high end breakfast resturaunt that has a whole seperate kitchen, or at least section of the kitchen, for preparing their food without gluten. Which was a life saver since had that not been the case, I would've needed to skip the resturaunt entirely.

Included in my friends was a couple, who recently got pregnant. We can call them Emma, and Via. Via is the one who is pregnant, and said she wouldn't be having much since she wasn't feeling very well due to the morning sickness. Everyone understood and offered to let her just have a few bites off their plates so she could still have something nice even if it was just a little. I didn't agree to this though, since if they were going to be sharing with each other, I couldn't take part. I explained me not feeling ok sharing since I'd just be giving food without getting any, and all my friends seemed to completely understand, as well as agree that was very fair.

When the food came out, everyone was sharing and having a good time. Via asked if she could have a bite of my food, and I politely declined sharing since I couldn't grab a different bite from anyone else. Via told me her pregnancy cravings were kicking in, and all she was asking for was a couple bites so I should've just given that to her. I told her again, I'd already explained I didn't want to share since my food was all I had.

Emma told me I could just give her half, and order more food if I wasn't satisfied with the amount left, and I again told them no. The gluten free options were quite a bit more exspensive than what they were eating, and paying for two plates just so Via could have half my food didn't seem fair. Via then told me just because I was on a diet didn't mean I could be selfish, and everyone else had no issues sharing. Thankfully the rest of the people sitting there did help me stand up for myself, and told Via I'd already explained I wouldn't be sharing since no one could share back. While I'd ordered an egg scramble and some gluten free pancakes, everyone else had normal pancakes, french toast, avacado toast, and other things i just couldn't eat.

Via wasn't satisfied with their and my justification to why she couldn't have any of my food. She went on and on about how I'd turned the whole table against her, and shamed her for being pregnant and hungry. I told her if she'd gotten her appetite back, she could always order herself a plate so she didn't need to rely on anyone sharing their food. Via went off at this, and told me about all the things she's needed to pay for in preperation of her and Emma's baby. She told me I was being selfish and heartless because I didn't want to give her half my plate when I can afford to do so.

This is where I may be the a-hole because I told Via she chose to get pregnant, and she chose to go through all of the issues that come with it. I didn't chose to have a gluten allergy, and I didn't want to go hungry because she wanted to eat off everyone else for free. Via started ugly crying, and everyone tried to calm her down, but she and Emma ended up just leaving without paying their portion of the bill. No one blamed me since I was right, but Emma sent me a message telling me I could've just said no and left it at that. Instead of embarassing Via in front of all her friends.

I'm starting to feel very guilty. I didn't want either of them to leave, I just wanted her to stop trying to leverage her pregnancy against me as a way to get the only food I could eat. AITAH?

ETA: Trying to answer some of the most answered questions.

Yes! Emma did get a plate. She claimed it was too sweet for Via and she should grab a less sweet bite of everyone elses plate. The reason it went from one bite to half my food (which was one pancake of my 2) was because she assumed my food was less sweet due to being gluten free. I don't think that's the case, but that was just her logic.

The group agreed we wouldn't be spending as much time with either Emma or Via. Ever since getting married the two of thier bitchiness aspects have combined and multipled.

We also did send them a Venmo request for their part of the bill, They've been told they can either pay the bill, or they can never come out to eat with us again.

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u/PleaseCoffeeMe Jul 21 '24

I don’t want to eat, I’ll just scavenge off of everyone else. Now I’m hungry. So since you don’t want to share you have to buy me a plate. Waaah, I can’t afford to eat out, thats why you should buy my food. Everyone is mean to me, so my partner and I are going to dine and dash.

Your response to Emma should be a Venmo.

NTA. Your pregnant “friend” is really entitled.

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u/50CentButInNickels Jul 21 '24

Emma and Via both need to have someone sitting just within arm's reach at all times with a flyswatter for when they start up their shit.

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u/ThingsIveNeverSeen Jul 21 '24

I volunteer. Always wanted to be that person.

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u/smolcnd Jul 21 '24

My partner needs a cane to get around. Nobody dares start shit within cane reach...

I'm not saying that ambulatory aides ought to be used to correct your peers but...

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u/Sarcastic_Soul4 Jul 21 '24

A little spray bottle with water. Just spray her every time she acts entitled and whiney 😂

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u/Scary-Cycle1508 Jul 21 '24

NTA
Call Emma out and remind her that you repeatedly said no and that she could have simply told her partner to STFU or taken her to get something to eat instead of sitting back quietly.

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u/TheBoozyNinja87 Jul 21 '24

Anyone else pissed off that not only did Via not pay for a meal and take from everyone else but then her and Emma also stuck everyone else with their goddamned bill?!

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u/Sleepmahn Jul 21 '24

Yeah they sound like a real treat. A dine and dasher and a preggo with MC syndrome.

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u/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_s Jul 22 '24

Yeah kinda sounds like they did it on purpose tbh. Based on the fact that one of her reasons was how much money they had to spend on their baby and this place was on the pricier side, it seems like they only ordered one dish to save money and expected for her to be fed by everyone else. And then picking the fight so they were justified in leaving without paying.

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u/YeaYouGoWriteAReview Jul 22 '24

especially considering shes not accidentally pregnant, unless i have a fundamental misunderstanding of lesbians. Having a 100% planned pregnancy and then complaining about the cost of it is a bit asinine. Doing this at a restaurant is wholly asinine.

God im so happy i dont have friends like this. If i order food and am willing to share i have to argue to get my friends to have some. I actually have to say things like "you took a shower when you got ready to go out and i havent seen you put your mouth anywhere weird, just take a bite and dont spit on it in the process"

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u/Sleepmahn Jul 22 '24

I agree with that hunch. They were probably planning on weaseling out of it from the start.

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u/_Elephester Jul 21 '24

Yeah exactly I'd be reminding Emma of that too. They're jerks. Her pregnant hormones and mood swings and cravings are no one else's problem.

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u/Fickle_Pop9246 Jul 21 '24

Nta.
"Emma told me I could just give her half, and order more food if I wasn't satisfied with the amount left"
Uh, Emma can order her own dish! Gluten free food is often more expensive than regular dishes, too. Was she going to be paying you back for the food? Of course not. And to leave without paying their bill? No. Hell no!!!

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u/maroongrad Jul 21 '24

At least now the other friends know what she's like. She 100% intended to eat for free and wanted to be the center of attention. I mean, seriously, who asks for bites off EVERYONE'S plates? Anyone decent would have ordered a child-sized serving or a full serving and taken it home. She pretty much went there to be cheap and start shit. Good luck to her getting this friend group to continue to subsidize her. OP, send them all the link to your post here. I think they need the eye-opening.

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u/Medium-Mountain3398 Jul 21 '24

Let alone sticking her cutlery into everyone's food, gf or not and into her mouth in between 🤢

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Apart_Foundation1702 Jul 21 '24

Exactly! She lied about not being hungry, she just didn't want to pay for her portion of food! Personally I wouldn't eat of anyone else's plate even when I was pregnant and if I can't eat all my food, I'll just get a to go box. It's about being cheap not pregnant!

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u/petitepedestrian Jul 21 '24

To-go was awesome while pregnant. More food for later? Yes please.

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u/MidLifeEducation Jul 21 '24

My friends all laugh at me when we go out for dinner. I always order way more than I can eat so I have something to take to work for lunch.

I don't think I'm going to be pregnant any time soon (just don't have the right plumbing for it), but that "more food for later" isn't just a pregnancy thing!

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u/RageBatman Jul 21 '24

We call it "Second Dinner"! Sometimes if there's something on the menu we want but know we won't have room for we'll order whole entrees to go.

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u/StangF150 Jul 21 '24

An here I've felt I was weird b/c I sometimes do that too!!!!

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u/mother-of-dragons13 Jul 21 '24

Im not pregnant just a food hound and i love left overs from my fav curry house for work lunch next day

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u/brneyedgrrl Jul 21 '24

Especially since she (1) refused to order her own brunch, and (2) left without paying!

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u/alicesartandmore Jul 21 '24

I do think it's fun when you go out with a group and everyone orders something different with the intention of sharing so that you get to try several different things without having to spend a fortune but this is something that should be agreed upon up front and trying to bully someone into giving you their food when offering nothing in return is just scuzzy. Especially when they've already told you no repeatedly. Via is nothing more than a bully.

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u/Miserable_Emu5191 Jul 21 '24

She could have just ordered a kid's meal and had less food at a cheaper price. Via is not a good person. NTA.

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u/Tailflap747 Jul 21 '24

I'm thinking, 'cheap-arsed attention-ho,' but that's just me.

I'm immune-suppressed. You will not be grazing off my plate, unless I pass something to you with chopsticks, and if you try without permission, you'll get your paws slapped like the unruly child you're behavinmonitor. Go order yer own chow, hmm?

Yes, you can taste my alcoholic beverage, but, hey, that's alcohol. I've never met a microbe that will survive a mojito.

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u/PossibleBookkeeper81 Jul 21 '24

YES! From the start the idea of bites off everyone else’s plates my mind went, “nope! They may not be sick but they’re going to end up getting me sick, I’m already out in public and Im not risking it for someone who is perfectly capable of ordering. I can’t even eat half the time so cry yourself a river.” Only been on suppressants half a year so don’t know if it’s a me reaction or if that’s norm? Anyway, the girl is a cheapo and your description of attention-ho is 100% spot on. Oh what a curious insight it would be to see into the mind of someone so self-important.

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u/Final_Candidate_7603 Jul 21 '24

Yup. A mooch and a manipulator, for trying to make OP look like the bad guy for her own bad behavior, and then blaming OP for “turning everyone at the table against her.”

No, asshole- you did that to yourself.

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u/Florarochafragoso Jul 21 '24

Also pretty sure that being pregnant she should be extra careful to not get sick

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u/BoredinBooFoo Jul 21 '24

This was my first thought when I read that Emma told OP that "she just could have told her 'no' and left it at that." Like, uh, hello OP was doing just that and she was REFUSING to take 'NO' as an answer! Ugh. Some entitlement with that one.

And I totally empathize with OP. My SO has celiacs and I'm diabetic, so a lot of the places we can go and foodsnwe can eat are twice as pricey as places where no one has to worry about food restrictions. This especially plays out at home as well since trying to plan meals that BOTH of us can actually eat can be a pain and high in price there too.

OP is NTA by any stretch of the imagination. The only a$$hats here are the expecting couple who can't seem to understand nor wrap their head around the fact the food allergies are dangerous things, and that not everyone has to cater to someone who is pregnant.

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u/Misdawg111 Jul 21 '24

And that was after Emma herself was attempting to coerce OP into sharing. She didn't even accept no, why would she expect Via to? WTF?

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u/BoredinBooFoo Jul 21 '24

And not just "a couple bites," she was trying to get HALF of OP'S food! Who does that?!?!?

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u/Woofy98102 Jul 21 '24

Assholes do that, including pregnant assholes. Both are grifters.

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u/capriciouskat01 Jul 21 '24

I love how it starts out as "a bite," to a "couple bites," to "half your food," lol

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u/Ok_Guarantee_3497 Jul 21 '24

And that was AFTER she had bites from other plates. She just wanted a free meal and was furious that someone said no.

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u/capriciouskat01 Jul 21 '24

Yeah, they want to say, "you could have just said no." Like that wasn't what she's been saying.

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u/mother-of-dragons13 Jul 21 '24

She was told no buy the whole table and uped the anti to give me half your plate and YOU buy more. What entitled spongers

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u/SnooLemons1501 Jul 21 '24

What is the old saying? “No” is a complete answer.

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u/TTigerLilyx Jul 21 '24

Sentence.

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u/Huldukona Jul 21 '24

NTA, agreed, OP said no, several times! So obviously “stronger methods” were needed.

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u/HuntingForSanity Jul 21 '24

And then said that OP “could have just said no and left it at that”.

How do you leave it at that when the other person is yelling at you about not getting your food for free

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u/hyperbemily Jul 21 '24

And then to have Emma come and say “you could have just said no” as if OP hadn’t done so MULTIPLE times

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u/East-Jacket-6687 Jul 21 '24

Let alone calling OPs allergy a " diet"

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u/spookynuggies Jul 21 '24

Also, this chick wanted to blow past a severe food allergy of someone that makes them vomit or worse cause she's pregnant by knowingly cross-contaminating OPs food. Like the level of disrespect for someone with a medical condition is mind blowing.

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u/ExperimentX_Agent10 Jul 21 '24

That was where my mind went first. OP didn't want to share because they didn't want their food contaminated.

Even if that wasn't an issue, asking everyone to share their food instead of getting your own plate is rude.

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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 Jul 21 '24

Biggest pet peeve is sharing food and people trying to eat off my plate. Get tf away from my food. If someone was starving and had no $ different story but don't try to put your grubby hands on my plate or eat what I ordered because you don't wanna pay. I have a friend I've know since I was 3 (I'm 40 now) she always tries to dump out our fries together and say we can share. It's been 37 years SHE KNOWS I DONT DO THAT😭😭she just wants more fries without buying more. She's joked about how insane I am about double dipping since I was little. Ya it's gross😭I avoid eating anywhere with her and we live across the country from each other now so that's nice. My plates specifically my fries are safe now. Well besides from my 5 year old lol.

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u/emr830 Jul 21 '24

Oh and you just know she’ll let her kid do that. Stick their grimy little hands in other people’s food. And then whine and cry when people are unhappy about this and “but but he’s just a baaaaaby” and then everyone is like Cheryl he is 34 get a grip. I know he’s only like 400 something months, but still old enough to know better 🙃

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u/Ka_aha_koa_nanenane Jul 21 '24

That's the part that would make me and my SO nope out of such an arrangement.

I would ask the waiter for a small plate and remove the 1-2 bites from my plate onto that before eating. My friends and I do this all the time. It's very common to do this with appetizers.

But not literally taking one's fork and sticking it on someone else's plate.

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u/luckydice767 Jul 21 '24

Or (and I know this is a CRAZY idea) you can order your OWN food at a restaurant!

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u/Live_Western_1389 Jul 21 '24

And Via & Emma escalated it to OP should just give Via HALF her food! What tf was that?

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u/EffectiveNo7681 Jul 21 '24

But then she would have had to actually pay for it.

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u/SufficientCow4380 Jul 21 '24

Nah she could make a scene and flounce just like she did.

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u/DesignerRelative1155 Jul 21 '24

She DID eat for free. Mission accomplished. Just maybe not the way she intended to but they didn’t pay so same in end

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u/peachyxprada Jul 21 '24

NTA. Emma has to be called up and reminded that you have said no more than once. Rather than just sitting back and taking it easy, Emma might have taken her partner out for dinner or told her to STFU.

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u/Successful-Doubt5478 Jul 21 '24

Win the battle, lose the war.

Now everyone knows they are BOTH parasites!

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u/amandarae1023 Jul 21 '24

That’s the craziest part to me. Like you “aren’t hungry” but are going to take bites off of everyone’s plates? Order yourself some sides. If your appetite changes, order yourself some food. It also sounds like there were the same options that OP had on her plate on various other plates around the table that had already been offered to her, so the fact that she fixated on OP food when they were completely clear about not participating in the sharing from the start is so weird. Using the pregnancy to try to manipulate the situation with a garbage move and I can’t stand people who do that shit. then bringing up the financial aspect of what they’re spending to become parents when they made the choice to do so to try to guilt trip people further… obnoxious. Part of me thinks she doesn’t take OPs allergies seriously (because it was definitely a fad for a while there) and is trying to challenge it.

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u/Araucaria2024 Jul 21 '24

And since this is a lesbian couple, getting pregnant was a deliberate choice. Can't afford it? Then they shouldn't be having a baby.

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u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 Jul 21 '24

She couldn't afford to buy anything but decided mooching was a good alternative to being honest. She didn't care about OP's allergies, all she cared about was getting free food.

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u/YuriPumpkinSpice Jul 21 '24

She has done this before for other reasons. Usually we don't have any problem sharing since we've all known each other for so long. This time I literally couldn't.

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u/sleepy-owlett Jul 21 '24

I was on holiday one time for a family wedding and we had dinner at a fancy restaurant. I ordered something that I didn't realise was only an entree, so when all the food came out, I had a tiny portion while everyone else had proper meals. My family (including parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles) felt bad for me, so everyone gave me a little amount of their food. It was amazing because I got to taste so much of the menu without having to buy all the dishes, but I would never intentionally do something like that. It was an accident, and everyone laughed and was happy to share. To demand it is very entitled.

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u/50CentButInNickels Jul 21 '24

She 100% intended to eat for free and wanted to be the center of attention

Fucking A. And then they ran off with Emma even leaving her part of the bill to the others. I hate these two just reading this story.

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u/CatlinM Jul 21 '24

I had two kids. I had horrific morning sickness with both of them. I did not expect other people to feed me when I was sick. Adulting might be hard but it isn't that hard people!

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u/ksarahsarah27 Jul 21 '24

Yup. And she targeted OP because he wasn’t doting on her and bending to her pregnancy cravings. She wanted to make him look like an AH only it backfired on her. Lol

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u/FileDoesntExist Jul 21 '24

You can also get side orders at breakfast places. So she could have gotten tea and toast no problem

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u/RebeccaMCullen Jul 21 '24

At half a plate of OP's food, Via should have just ordered her own plate. Especially since she was claiming OP turned the table against her for being "pregnant and hungry".

Being pregnant and needing to buy baby stuff isn't a valid excuse to expect your friend group to pay for meals.

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u/BecGeoMom Jul 21 '24

Not to mention, she claimed she wasn’t hungry because she had morning sickness. Pick a side, dear. I know you’re pregnant, but if you can’t decide if you’re hungry or not, that’s a different issue.

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u/Kylie754 Jul 21 '24

When I was pregnant, my morning sickness was worse if I was hungry. Sounds similar here… too nauseous to order food but then food made her feel better so she realised she was hungry.

NTA for not sharing with her. She should have ordered her own food.

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u/EffectiveNo7681 Jul 21 '24

I also love how Emma had the audacity to say "you could have just said no." Bitch, they did say no several times but you and Via refused to take it for an answer! JFC, Op is so not the asshole!

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u/sallyskull4 Jul 21 '24

Yeah, that part stood out to me. Like, yeah, I already said no (several times) and she still kept coming after me. Wtf?! 😅

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u/hdmx539 Jul 21 '24 edited Jul 21 '24

Via wanted a free meal via begging off of other people's plates and generosity. She's pissed she couldn't control OP and manipulate OP to get her way.

If she's this entitled now and using her pregnancy as an excuse, imagine when the baby comes.

OP, watch out. I suspect this will get worse especially when the baby comes. She'll insist on going to all of her own places especially because she'll know you won't "share" your food.

NTA

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u/50CentButInNickels Jul 21 '24

Never, ever fucking hang out with her again. The fact that Emma also walked out without paying her share makes me hope they both regularly get diarrhea when there's no TP around.

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u/maroongrad Jul 21 '24

Nah, we can see where this is going. OP gets invited over, is expected to bring food, "Oh, new mother, so trapped, must get out, you watch baby while I run to get diapers/formula/toilet paper/wipes!" (wanders back home two hours later with nails all done and no supplies) "Oops, teehee!"

Anyone wanna guess how pricey her baby registry will be???

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u/bluenoggie Jul 21 '24

In an overheated port o potty. Other than the no toilet paper( thankfully) I can personally vouch for the hell it is. As someone who is also gluten free, if we eat it it’s like the fires of hell have been released in our bowels. Celiac not allergy. But my egg allergic son accidentally had some and that poor kid was down for a few days. Stomach issues, hives, and barfing on my new bedspread. It was so bad we just tossed it.

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u/MrsPedecaris Jul 21 '24

Emma told me I could just give her half

I can't get past the point where "just a couple bites" translates to now wanting half the plate! Did she want half of everyone's plates? What an odd and extreme expectation. OP, definitely NTA.
I'm really glad your friends had your back. So often, people go along with unreasonable demands in an attempt to stop the drama.

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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes Jul 21 '24

I know right! When did a couple of bites from others become HALF of OP’s? That is exactly when I would have flagged the waiter over and said the preggo would like to order what I ordered.

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u/MomoSkywalker Jul 21 '24

THIS OP. I was thinking if she wanted half the plate, why doesn't she just order herself a plate and then she can have the whole thing to herself. Me thinks she was trying to get a freebie, didn't want to pay for the meal so trying to use pregnancy card to scam herself a meal.

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u/Aspen9999 Jul 21 '24

1/2 of everyone’s plate adds up to a few meals

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u/Alycion Jul 21 '24

People who storm off without paying and then don’t send the money back usually were already looking for a way to cheapen the bill. Morning sickness and then sudden hunger does happen, but normal people will order something small. Chances are they went in knowing two meals were out of their budget, counted on the pregnancy sympathy and used OP saying no as a way of getting out of paying anything. If they were happy to let her leech off of everyone instead of her and her partner sharing, they were just as happy to stick people with the bill. The incident that led up to the crying just helped them feel justified. We’ve all had friends like this.

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u/Heykurat Jul 21 '24

Anybody who sticks me with their bill like that is never seeing me again, period.

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u/PNL-Maine Jul 21 '24

I don’t think Via wanted to pay for her food, just mooch off others.

NTA

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u/Janine_18 Jul 21 '24

She decided that everyone owed her. However, it is not.

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u/Wattaday Jul 21 '24

Yep. NTA. “Pregnancy cravings” mean order the meal you want. It does not mean mooching off everyone else. Emma is rather entitled.

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

You did say no- immediately after arriving?! In fact, you said it several times?!

Via kept asking and asking, after you said no and the other people jumped in to further explain your no?!  

Via proved that she was there to grift food and not actually pay for any of the things she grifted off peoples plates?!

She and her partner should not participate in outings like this that they obviously can’t afford?! 

Those were crocodile tears to distract from them switching and ditching their way out of the restaurant without paying for their food and beverages or contributing to the food Via grifted off of other peoples plates?!

Your very reasonable no - that was a full sentence in and of itself - was not respected and your response was appropriate.

NTA 

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u/SuluSpeaks Jul 21 '24 edited Jul 21 '24

They paid for Emma's meal, so it's Emma's grift too.

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u/Emotional-Hair-1607 Jul 21 '24

Duly noted that they left in a huff without paying their portion of the bill. A sleazy LPT.

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u/PrideofCapetown Jul 21 '24

Probably their plan all along.

’oh, can’t you just do this little thing for us? We’re going to be parents!’

I had a cousin like this.  Always managed to drop by at dinner time too, completely by coincidence. Everybody’s plans had to cater to his wife and kids, as though they were royalty. Lots of fun times watching them turn purple when we told them “no” and laughed in their faces

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u/Elemental-Happiness Jul 22 '24

My mom has a cousin like this. I was living in Boston when his daughter went to college nearby. Never heard from her for four years. I then surprisingly got invited to her graduation dinner. My mom said not to go because I would end up having to pay for everyone. He’s been grifting their entire lives, glad she saved me!

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u/Bacontoad Jul 22 '24

We're going to be parents!'

And they're going to have to provide food for that child once they're born. They can't just grift off of other people for the next 18 years. SMH

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u/Tight_Syllabub9423 Jul 22 '24

They can certainly try

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u/UnionStewardDoll Jul 22 '24

I had an aunt like that, my mom’s sister. We all lived in the same apartment building, so she could always “drop by” at dinner time. To make matters worse, she’d holler for her son to join us.

Of course she NEVER brought anything to share.

I remember before we moved from there, we would draw the drapes and whisper during dinner

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u/NotTheBadOne Jul 21 '24

My thought EXACTLY!

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u/haleorshine Jul 22 '24

I wonder what they would have left in a huff about if OP hadn't refused to give up her food. I noticed how it went from a bite, to a few bites, to half and then being offended that she was asked to order her own plate because having a baby (something they fully planned if they're a cis lesbian couple) is costing so much for them.

It was always that plan that they wouldn't be paying for both people to eat, while they were in fact both going to eat, but I would not be surprised if they've pulled this "leaving in a huff without paying their share" grift before and/or will do it again.

I'm glad the group aren't playing along with it, given then "We also did send them a Venmo request for their part of the bill, They've been told they can either pay the bill, or they can never come out to eat with us again." Smart move!

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u/Jaded_Law9739 Jul 22 '24

What blew me away was the audacity of the wife. Her food is too sweet so give her partner some of yours? Excuse me?

Order your pregnant wife some fucking food, honestly. They were ABSOLUTELY trying to get at least one free meal out of it. I would be mortified if I had done that when I was pregnant.

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u/haleorshine Jul 22 '24

1000% this was the plan. Ugly crying because somebody wouldn't give you half of their meal for free? Yeah, they weren't ever going to pay for 2 meals, and when OP just said the truth Emma saw a chance to not pay for anything.

Good on this group of people for requesting their part of the bill. I imagine they're not going to let Emma and Via pretend they're so distraught they can't pay their bill in the future, and probably Via won't get away with the "Oh I'm not hungry I'll just eat a bite from everybody's plate!" in the future either, because that's some bullshit. I probably would have raised an eyebrow about that anyway, because if they're all sharing the dishes, it just sounds like she's going to eat a full meal but not have to pay for it.

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u/Desert_Rat-13 Jul 22 '24

💯% this! What happened to “I’m not hungry”??? Switch from can I have a bite of everyone’s, to “cravings”, to a bite of everyone’s, a bite or two of yours to HALF of yours. After your first No, you should’ve said, “Lady you don’t need a bite of everyone else’s food you need a waitress! And you’re not eating ANY of mine!”

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u/UrsusRenata Jul 22 '24

A friend-of-a-friend in my social circle ended almost every night out inventing a crying outburst like that, which inevitably resulted in her skipping out on her part of the tab. Her close-friends recognized the pattern. But I didn’t personally realize that was her modus operandi until she started frequenting my place.

I owned a pub, where she would “buy rounds of wine” for everyone, then invent an emotional breakdown around midnight, and leave the tab unpaid. When my employees got together and caught on, I confronted her with her cumulative walkout of $1400. She went to “get her fiancé’s help to pay,” and we never saw her again.

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u/twelven Jul 22 '24

This is why the bar's I've been to hold your card when you run a tab.

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u/DonTreadOnMeIMADuck Jul 22 '24

I honestly thought that was standard practice. I walk in, and I hand over my card. I only have a couple of places I frequent, and that's how they've always run things.

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u/Final_Candidate_7603 Jul 21 '24

They make the perfect couple team.

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u/Las_Vegan Jul 21 '24

Stellar parents to be. 👍🏻

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u/ZaraBaz Jul 21 '24

Gonna teach the new child how to be a grifter and theif. What a great beginning for the baby /s

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u/Stormy8888 Jul 22 '24

Pregnancy excuse Freeloaders, coming soon to a friend group near you!

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u/Wunderkid_0519 Jul 22 '24

Sounds like it had nothing to do with morning sickness, and she just wanted to mooch off everyone else to avoid having to pay for her own food. What an entitled cheap ass liar of a "friend"..!!

OP is NTA.

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u/shikimasan Jul 22 '24 edited Jul 22 '24

Why couldn't emma, via's partner, order food palatable to via so that they could share food as a couple? What a pair of absolute weirdos

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u/Straight-Treacle-630 Jul 22 '24

☝🏻 Or, if Via was feeling peckish, she could’ve gotten a take-home container for what she didn’t finish. Silly Via ;)

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u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 22 '24

Then getting mad and storming out was probably planned from the start. Either one person doesn’t want to share, or double down until they’re asking for literally half of one persons plate - while taking from everyone else’s - but couldn’t possibly order their own plate because they’re not that hungry. 

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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 21 '24

The autocorrect/spellchecker is a huge pain to deal with.

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u/Zero_Pumpkins Jul 21 '24

This made me so irrationally annoyed. I’m very, very pregnant and never once have I used it as an excuse to be a stuck up mooching bitch, or tried to make it someone else’s problem.

I hope the friend group excludes them from any further food related get togethers.

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u/malachizels Jul 21 '24

Right. I have ordered two meals, or paid to switch sides to accommodate my cravings. Never expected others to give me their food.

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u/lil_red_irish Jul 21 '24

Also she wanted half the plate!

I have food allergies, gone out with friends who've ordered things I can't eat, then asked me if I could let them try it. Including pregnant friends. Fuck no! Want to ask to eat any of my food, you better order things I can eat, or hope I offer to share.

It's especially egregious as OP didn't order anything special, just gluten free versions of other's dishes.

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u/linda70455 Jul 21 '24

Yes. It’s not like rude pregnant girl has Celiac disease. (Pet peeve of mine that people think gluten free is more healthy. One of my best friends has it and it is horrible and then it’s trendy. Imagine my friend group meals one vegan, one gluten free and one paleo. 🙄

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u/lil_red_irish Jul 21 '24

I feel that pet peeve, I have a couple of friends with celiacs, one who also has a dairy allergy. It's a pain to eat out with them. But we call up, ask in advance, and don't share food. When someone has an immune condition or allergy you just can't.

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u/ladidah_whoopa Jul 21 '24 edited Jul 22 '24

I also feel that pet peeve. I have two toddlers with milk protein allergies, and I either invite people over and cook myself, or take something with me to give to my kids. And then there's this lady who declares their own kid has allergies (though she has zero evidence) and bitches at everyone because their plate is too close to hers and someone touched her cutlery, interrogates the waiter about ingredients, barks at everyone whose kids are touching hers, and is generally a nuisance. Dude, if your kid was actually half as allergic as you claim, you wouldn't be eating out at all.

It's my sister. She's that lady.

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u/linda70455 Jul 21 '24

I actually had 2 out of 6 cub scouts with “they can die food allergies “. Easy peasy their mothers were in charge of all food😊 And being the wonderful mothers they are were happy to comply. Your sister sounds like she enjoys drama and being center of attention more than tending to their child’s needs. 🙄

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u/ladidah_whoopa Jul 21 '24

You know, I love my sister and so, I'd like to tell you that's not the case... but I can't. She even barked at my youngest because he kissed her kid on the cheek and oh no! Cross-contamination! It took everything in me to calmly remind her that couldn't happen because both of my kids were allergic too, so they weren't contaminating anyone's environment

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u/Tudorrosewiththorns Jul 21 '24

I also have a lot of food restrictions and I always ask people over to my house, ask about their restrictions then cook something both of us can eat.

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u/YuriPumpkinSpice Jul 21 '24

Celiac disease is what I was just diagnosed with

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u/linda70455 Jul 21 '24

Glad you got your diagnosis. Sometimes it’s hard to pin down. 😊 My girlfriend has felt much better since being diagnosed and knowing what not to eat.

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u/KingPrincessNova Jul 22 '24

who asks for a bite, hears "no" in response, and then asks for half the fucking plate?

nah they know they're in the wrong which is why they're trying to turn it around on OP

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

You know you’re right! Plus there were surely any number of side dishes and supplementary add ons Mrs and Mrs Grift could have ordered and shared amongst themselves?! Plain Toast? 1 or 2 eggs? Fruit?

ETA: congratulations on the impending birth of your baby!

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u/Zero_Pumpkins Jul 21 '24

Exactly! Why should OP have to give up half their plate? Sounds like Emma, being Via’s partner should have done that!

Thank you!

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u/ndiasSF Jul 21 '24

It seems like Via went from “just two bites” to half of OP’s plate pretty dang fast too. NTA.

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

With Emma jumping in right away and backing her up!

What’s so bizarre is that she honed in on the OP’s gluten-free plate when she was given access to the other people’s regular food orders?

If she wants to try gluten free pancakes- there are mixes available at the supermarket?!

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u/calling_water Jul 21 '24

It was a dominance attempt — using Via’s pregnancy to make it so she could take whatever she wanted, and pushing extra hard against the one person who’d dared to say no. Emma and Via wanted the whole group to cater to Via and spoil her, no exceptions.

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u/WolfShaman Jul 21 '24

I'm thinking it was either a power play or forbidden fruit. Either she wanted to force someone to bow down to her pregnancy, or she wanted what she was told she couldn't have.

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

You know- both could be true!

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u/WolfShaman Jul 21 '24

That's incredibly possible, too!

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u/NoTopic4906 Jul 21 '24

Right. If OP wished to cut a few bites and move it to a separate side plate so none of the gluten could get on her plate, great; that’s OP’s decision. And if not, great; that’s OP’s decision.

And to call it a diet? It’s not a diet any more than an allergy or a religious requirement is a diet. I have no qualms about anyone who is strict on their food intake for whatever reason but come on.

It is not necessary to accepting that OP is in the right but I am Diabetic and I will plan out my insulin based on how much I am eating. If I suddenly ate half I would drop low and I would blame the person who shared my plate without accepting no for sending me to the hospital. And, if there was cross contamination because of shared food and OP ended up in the hospital, they should do so as well.

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u/YuriPumpkinSpice Jul 21 '24

I actually mentioned that to her, she claimed that's not how cross contamination works, It is though.

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u/NoTopic4906 Jul 21 '24

She is cray-cray. Not just crazy. She shouldn’t tell you how cross contamination works for gluten intolerance and you shouldn’t tell me how insulin works (unless, of course, you are a medical doctor who deals with Diabetes or she is a professional dietician or medical doctor who deals with patients with gluten issues).

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u/CherryDoodles Jul 22 '24

Or a diabetic with coeliac disease, which is more common than you think. Once you get one autoimmune disease, you’re very likely to get another.

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u/Personal_Signal_6151 Jul 21 '24

Via is not too intelligent is she?

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u/Stupidrice Jul 21 '24

Yeah I read half of the plate and went like hold up me lady

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u/KonradWayne Jul 21 '24

It went from "a bite' to "a couple bites" to "half" at lightspeed.

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u/YuriPumpkinSpice Jul 21 '24

Emma didn't even share as much as everyone else did with Via, despite the two of them being married since she claimed her food would've been too sweet. And she should have a lighter bite from someone else.

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u/addangel Jul 21 '24

…and then neither of them paid for their food, but they had the nerve to try to shame you for it. grifters, the both of them. I hope your friend group holds them accountable.

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u/Zero_Pumpkins Jul 21 '24

Seriously?? The entitlement from the both of them is insane! Please don’t bother inviting them to any other group meals.

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u/DutchPerson5 Jul 21 '24

Oooo they planned this. Poor baby.

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u/TagYoureItWitch Jul 21 '24

I just had mine a month ago and I agree with you! Just because someone maybe pregnant doesn't mean that they get to mooch. I had food forced on my throughout my pregnancy if I even mentioned I was hungry but never did I demand someone else's food. It isn't right. Op is NTA.

Congrats :)

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u/tigerofjiangdong1337 Jul 21 '24

Yes I'm nauseous let me eat all your food makes no sense. My wife would have just had toast. She ate saltines for a month once it was so bad. This seems like an obvious excuse from the mooches.

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u/Francesca_N_Furter Jul 21 '24

So nice to read your comment. I know the stories on reddit seem to be extreme, but I had only one woman I know be rude and demanding through her pregnancy, and she had mental health issues going into it. People seem to want to normalize pregnant women being irrational and rude, and that just is not usually the case from what I've seen.

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u/Pageybear13 Jul 21 '24

Yep she said No several times. I would maybe share a chicken wing from an appetizer but eat a few bites from my plate? I would have literally said No fuck off.

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

I imagined her stretching her paw over towards the OP’s plate with every insistence?! 

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u/LadyReika Jul 21 '24

So did I and I hoped that OP had her fork ready to stab the offending paw.

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u/emr830 Jul 21 '24

Who wants to be the one to tell her how expensive kids are…especially if she wants organic all natural Whole Foods brand diapers or whatever. Maybe the kid will be breastfed until kindergarten, but potty trained immediately.

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

They will start a GofundMe for all of the things they don’t get at the baby shower they will grift friends into hosting?!

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u/human-ish_ Jul 21 '24

They're the ones who will call all their friends Auntie and expect them all to babysit for free.

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u/emr830 Jul 21 '24

Totally. Plus every has to contribute towards a massive gift pile from Santa…but god forbid they get presents for anyone else!

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u/YuriPumpkinSpice Jul 21 '24

She's told us before as her friends, we need to pitch in and help her raise her kids. Since Via and Emma still want 4o have a love life, she expects us to step in and be her village, and take care of things when she needs help.

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u/Morality01 Jul 21 '24 edited Jul 22 '24

Wow, what a freeloader. These women sound like a headache to be friends with. One blatantly just shows up to an expensive resteraunt with the intent to mooch food off everyone else and the other is straight up tells their friend group they are being drafted to raise her child.

What are you getting out of this friendship?

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u/addangel Jul 21 '24

I would’ve scoffed at that insane expectation 

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '24

I mean this with utter sincerity: what is Via bringing to the table in this friendship? Has she always been this entitled to the time and resources of others?

But most importantly, what did all of you say to such an outlandish demand?

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u/patricialong1895 Jul 22 '24

Well it sounds like you seem to have most likely damaged the ties with them just in time. Bullet dodged.

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u/Glaucus92 Jul 21 '24

NTA. You did say no! Multiple times! Via is the one who couldn't leave it alone!

I also have celiac, and I totally get not wanting to share food. Not even because the gluten free is more expensive, but also things like cross-contamination from forks, etc. You were right that if Via was really craving your dish that much, she could have ordered it for herself. And while I'm not sure if this is also the case here, gluten free dishes are often smaller as well as more expensive, so a few bites could easily be half.

Don't feel guilty. You didn't cause them to leave, Via did. She was looking to get a free meal and just couldn't stop pushing you and be happy with all the free food she already had gotten. She had to have yours too for some bizarre reason. She left because she was throwing a tantrum and didn't get her way.

The only bit of empathy I could probably muster for Via and Emma would be if the place was truly out of their price range, but they felt pressured to go there because that's where you could eat. But even if that is the case that would not be on you. If that was the case, they could have just said that they'd rather go somewhere more affordable, or just not push their luck when it came to the already free they had. If this is the case, they might have felt that you "owed" them because you """""made""""" them go to the fancy place. Which again, simply isn't how this works. They could have used their big girl words and talk to you all.

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u/gremlin-creature Jul 21 '24

Another celiac person here! The whole time I was reading this I kept thinking, "OP sharing food at an otherwise fully gluten lunch would have caused crazy cross contamination." And considering OP said cross con causes illness, abso-fucking-lutely not!

The continuous entitlement, not taking *several* no's, disagreeing with the entire group's agreed upon negotiation, and then leaving without the partner paying for their own meal? And to add insult to injury, texting and saying "you could have just said no" - OP said no multiple ass times and your partner made a dick of themselves all on their own.

Nah. Those two aren't your friends, OP

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u/stickywebbb Jul 21 '24

And another celiac — definitely NTA. What a profound sense of entitlement she had, and she’s a bully as well!

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u/Stunning_Aurora Jul 21 '24

NTA. You have a medical condition that requires you to follow a specific diet. Your friends were aware of your allergy and agreed on a restaurant that catered to your needs. Via, despite her pregnancy cravings, should have respected your boundaries when you politely declined to share your food.

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u/Robincall22 Jul 21 '24

Also, OP was having pancakes same as the rest of the group, what, is she specifically craving gluten free pancakes?

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u/SafePomegranate5814 Jul 21 '24

Yeah, I have a wheat allergy and can confidently say that no one is craving the Sadness pancakes instead of the regular ones 😂

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u/bby_drea Jul 21 '24

This is going to sound crazy, but the Walmart Great Value gluten free pancake mix is worlds better than the weird crunchy/grainy bisquick one! And cheap!

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u/my_cement_butthead Jul 21 '24

A moment of silence for me please. I’m in Aus, we don’t have all the options you guys do 😔

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u/YuriPumpkinSpice Jul 21 '24

I'll have to try this!! Ty for the suggestion.

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u/notthedefaultname Jul 21 '24

It wasn't about what OP ate. It was about squashing the resistance. It was about power and control and trying to force friends to sacrifice so they didn't have to buy their own food. And making such a big scene meant they could leave and not even pay the non pregnant partners cost.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '24

This.

And even if he had no medical condition at all, if he simply doesnt wanna share his food, then he shouldnt have to do it. They should respect that. If they wanna eat they should order for themselves. And not press the matter, when he said no the first time

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u/ShadoMonkey Jul 21 '24

NTA she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

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u/Pink-pajama Jul 21 '24

Where do people even meet folks like this? Ive never met anyone even remotely this entitled.

NtA how ppl think this is aceptable behaviour, pregnant or not is beyond me

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u/grandavegrad Jul 21 '24

Yes! And I’m so happy Via and Emma found each other so no one else has to suffer. Perfect couple.

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u/StrangledInMoonlight Jul 21 '24

but Emma sent me a message telling me I could've just said no and left it at that. Instead of embarassing Via in front of all her friends.

You said “no” repeatedly.   And Via kept pushing you and using her pregnancy as a stick with which to beat you into submission. 

No means no.  Even if it’s sharing food.  

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u/IAmNotAPersonSorry Jul 21 '24

The kicker is the rest of the group agreed that OP wouldn’t participate in sharing ahead of time. My in-laws love to share food when we get together (we usually get Indian so a bunch of curries) and I have a lot of food restrictions, so I order my own plate and then once I’ve had my fill, then they ask if they can try some. It’s a conflict free resolution that works for everyone because we agreed to it ahead of time. I’m so glad for OP that the rest of her friends stood up for her.

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u/StrangledInMoonlight Jul 21 '24

I gotta be honest, Via sounds like a gosh darn mooch. 

“Oh I can’t eat much” and then she eats tons, and when OP calls her on it, the truth come out. 

I told her if she'd gotten her appetite back, she could always order herself a plate so she didn't need to rely on anyone sharing their food. Via went off at this, and told me about all the things she's needed to pay for in preperation of her and Emma's baby. She told me I was being selfish and heartless because I didn't want to give her half my plate when I can afford to do so.

It was always about a free meal. 

And. Price both Via and Emma left without paying.  

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u/50CentButInNickels Jul 21 '24

All the friends need to be sending Emma a venmo request, the entitled cow.

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u/FileDoesntExist Jul 21 '24

I was thinking the same thing. Just on principal I would be annoyingly persistent about getting them to pay.

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u/Zero_Pumpkins Jul 21 '24

Via embarrassed herself by throwing a hissy fit after being told no several times and trying to make her being pregnant OP’s problem.

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u/emr830 Jul 21 '24

Yep, I’d tell Emma that she could’ve opened her ears the first time you said no.

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u/Seeker_ofLight Jul 21 '24

Am I missing something? Didn't Emma order food? Shouldn't Via's partner have been the one to step up and share her food??

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u/GrouchySteam Jul 21 '24

Obviously it made more sense to munch of everyone plate rather than sharing with her partner, even trying to force the risk of cross contamination rather than leaving with left overs. The switch from related from pregnancy symptoms to justifying her behaviour from the foreseeable baby related expenses. Leaving without paying was such a confirmation for the original intent to coerce others into covering for them.

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u/Listen_2learn Jul 21 '24

If she ordered- it most certainly didn’t make it if her plate on to Via’s?!

Their mission was clear: Dine, Whine and Dash!

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u/Odd-Animal-1552 Jul 21 '24

NTA. Send Emma a Venmo request with a memo message, “request for your dine and dash restaurant bill you stuck us with”.

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u/SuluSpeaks Jul 21 '24

The whole pregnancy/food thing was a smokescreen for this.

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u/forgetregret1day Jul 21 '24

First it was a few bites then it was half your plate of food? Um, no. Her being pregnant doesn’t mean she should expect free food from other people’s meals ffs. That’s just cheap and whiny entitlement. I think you were more than tolerant and she just wouldn’t give it up. Too bad, so sad the beggar got shut down. I’ve been pregnant twice. Didn’t have much money either time as we were young parents but unless someone offered to treat everyone, there’s no way I would embarrass myself and anyone else by expecting special treatment. She needs to get over herself and stop playing some kind of wounded victim over pancakes. It’s just ridiculous. NTA and proud of you for standing your ground!

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u/RedFoxBlueSocks Jul 21 '24

My brain glitched and I read that as ‘cheese and wine entitlement’. 🧀 🍷

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u/Affectionate-Jury300 Jul 21 '24

This post is fake.

The author was a depressed 16 year old last month, and also came out as trans last week:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/comments/198i2ks/i_need_advice_on_how_to_not_be_depressed/

Unless you think a 16 year old regularly pays for their own meal with older pregnant friends, deleted history shows more fiction.

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u/[deleted] Jul 22 '24

The fact they also said a glucose allergy…I can’t 😭🤣

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u/xXevilhoboXx Jul 22 '24

No one else has noticed this! No way someone with an actual gluten intolerance would make that mistake

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u/boopitybobbiti Jul 22 '24

Also clearly has no idea what gluten free food actually tastes like. No one willingly eats that shit.

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u/Level-Tangerine-8172 Jul 21 '24

Emma sent me a message telling me I could've just said no

Um, you did say no, several times, in fact. The only reason this all escalated was because these people couldn't respect your no and seem to feel pregnancy entitles someone to freeload off of everyone else. Also, how did it go from a bite or two to half your plate? That is lunacy. If she wanted to try yours so desperately they should have ordered their own plate. The entitlement is obscene.

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u/ChocoMcBunny Jul 21 '24

If she kept asking and asking and making such a fuss - it sounds like she was hungry enough to order her own food. NTA

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u/Sweet_Stratigraphy Jul 21 '24

NTA. You did say no. Via continued to push for your food and embarrassed herself. It’s extremely entitled to expect someone to spend more money on them so they don’t have to. It’s not up to their friends to supplement their lifestyle when they chose to get pregnant.

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u/Few-Power-9722 Jul 21 '24

NTA 1- you did say no they just weren’t accepting it and kept harassing you until you had to be harsh 2- why tf was Emma, Via’s partner, not giving Via half or all of HER food for THEIR baby?!

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u/Imaginary-Mood-8345 Jul 21 '24 edited Jul 22 '24

NTA
Am wondering though, how was this creature going to eat from your food? Did she expect you to dump half your food off your plate and onto hers, or did she think she'd stick her contaminated fork in your meal so she could have all of it because "oh gosh, I didn't know I couldn't stick my gluten contaminated fork in here without ruining it for you, so sorry, here, I'll eat it for you"?
Plus, I've hardly ever read about a gluten free option being as good as the gluten option, if that is in fact true (my curiosity has not reached the stage of actually wanting to try gluten free things in order to be able to compare for myself), this doesn't even make sense, because why would she want bites of other people's food, but half of yours, when yours is not expected to be the culinary highlight on that table?
Guess you got a free lesson in how people who are actual friends just do not behave as a dessert with that gluten free option. Wonder how long before they blame pregnancy hormones "she's not herself when she's hungry" (buy, bring and eat a certain candy bar then lady) when the friendly people in the group don't suddenly change their minds either.

ETA: Oh gosh, reading the comments below I feel even worse for all of you who have to eat gluten-free :(

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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 Jul 21 '24

I have tried gluten free when there was nothing left in the bakery of stuff I wanted. It was terrible. Do not recommend. Via just wanted to assert her dominance and play the victim when it didn’t go her way.

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u/BagelwithQueefcheese Jul 21 '24

NTA adults don’t need to share food with other adults. If they can’t afford to order their own meal, then they should have stayed at home. 

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u/MoveMission7735 Jul 21 '24

NTA.

Not only was it agreed upon that you weren't gonna share a few bites. But then she wanted half your plate! She really tried eating without paying and then both Via and Emma not pay their share? Yeah a baby is expensive, but they did sign up for it.

"Could have just said no." You did. Multiple times! I'd be having a conversation with the rest if the friends there about boundaries.

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u/itsminimes Jul 21 '24

So in the end both of them mooched off the group of friends. NTAH. These women are entitled mooches.

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u/Amazing_Reality2980 Jul 21 '24

NTA Jeeze what a drama queen she is. She should have just ordered her own damned food. If she wasn't that hungry, she could have ordered a side dish herself. Or most places have menus with "lighter" options. Instead, she acted entitled to eat off everyone else's plate, even when told no. It sounds more like she just wanted a free breakfast instead of ordering and paying for her own. She's a complete asshole and so are any friends who agreed with it and tolerated her behavior. This is not a "friend" I would want to hang out with again.

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u/RedFoxBlueSocks Jul 21 '24

Unless it’s a hoity toity kind of place, I’ve never been in a restaurant during breakfast where you couldn’t order just a single egg and some hash browns a la carte.

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u/hip_hop_sweetheart Jul 21 '24

NTA - You tried multiple times to say no and leave it at that. They found a way to get a free meal and still want to blame you. 🙄

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u/Prudent_Valuable603 Jul 21 '24

NTA. Vía and Emma need to pay their portion of the bill and apologize. You’re not in the wrong. Gluten allergies are very serious. What’s wrong with some people these days? They’re so entitled thinking people owe Via bites of food . Is she an owl? No.