I am 39 and male. My girlfriend is 41. We have lived together for a bit over a year in my house.

During the time that I have lived with my girlfriend, I've become very used to the fact that she really seems to de-stress by complaining. Much of this complaining is about other people in her life, such as her mother and her former co-workers, but much of this complaining is about me and how I'm not meeting her expectations in one way or another.

I'm generally fine listening to her rant and will make all the appropriate motions to show that I'm listening, but a few months back, her complaining increased significantly in frequency.

Again, I'm happy to listen to her, but one time that I do not want to listen to complaining is when I'm eating. Breakfast time isn't an issue because she's still asleep when I eat it, and lunch time is fine because I work 6 days a week and am out for lunch, but I would really love nothing more than to just have a quiet dinner. It's especially irritating because she gets upset when I don't answer her fast enough, even when I'm chewing. She'll start saying "Hello? Hello? Hello? Are you even listening?" as I try to swallow the food quickly and answer her.

I expressed this to her a few months back. I put it as nicely as possible, with the excuse that I don't do well with talking during meal time. If anything it has had the opposite effect. I'm convinced that she's actually timing her complaints to begin when I start eating dinner now. While I'm making my dinner she'll be quiet, and when I sit down waiting for it to cool she'll be quiet. But once the fork reaches my mouth, she'll immediately start complaining.

Last Saturday, I told her that I couldn't deal with her complaining during dinner time anymore, and that if she did it again I would start eating elsewhere. She responded "Yeah OK fine." Then she sat down at the table and stared at me. When I took my first bite, she said, "Oh by the way, today you kicked one of my shoes when you were putting yours on. It made me feel like you only care about your own things and not mine." I stood up and went down to the basement to eat, locking the door behind me.

I've taken to doing this for every day since, and she'll bang on the door at times. At other times she has demanded I give her a key, as I have the only copy. Today she was literally crying and begging me to eat dinner at the table, but I said no. Now she's threatening to take the door off its hinges while I'm at work (so I know I have to lock it from the outside before going tomorrow).

Am I in the wrong here?

I got a lot of DMs asking for an update. I’ll be seeing a lawyer this week, and then I can share more. I checked her phone (I’m not proud of it), and yes, she and my brother “bonded” over feeling like lonely spouses who were neglected by their partners. While I was away for my work trips, he would tell his wife he was working night shifts and would have “sleepovers” at our place. They both acknowledged how the arrangement felt both right and wrong, as neither of them wanted to leave their spouses but still enjoyed the physical and emotional aspects of the affair.

When I confronted her, she got angry about me going through her phone and said she felt violated. Honestly, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She insisted the baby is probably mine because we’ve been having quickies ( according to her it happened more than once ) when I was half-asleep, and she said, “I only wanted your baby.” I told her I don’t believe a single word she says. I told her she needs to move out, and we’ll figure out what to do after a paternity test. I also told her I’m canceling all her extracurricular activities because they’re not my responsibility anymore. She said I’m financially abusing her, but to be honest, I really didn’t care.

I told her I’d be coming to her next baby appointment because I need to talk to our family doctor . She’s currently staying at her best friend’s place. Today, she messaged me saying she’s spotting and blaming me for it, claiming I’ve stressed her out and increased her chances of miscarriage. She said I’m a shitty father and an abusive spouse. Honestly, I’m not even sure if she’s ever been pregnant. I asked if she needed a ride to the hospital or her friend’s address so I could take her. She didn’t answer. So here I am. I blocked my brother from everywhere. I don’t have a brother anymore.

Original post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/9r68gJEcET

So, apparently, my sister went full drama queen and has turned our family into a soap opera over this. I guess being called out for her entitlement really struck a nerve. Not only did she tell my parents that I'm a horrible aunt, but now she's trying to get my extended family involved! She's texting cousins and relatives, playing the victim card like it's a championship sport and saying I'm "abandoning my responsibilities."

But here’s the kicker: She somehow managed to scrape together the cash to hire a babysitter for one night last weekend! Apparently, she’s capable of arranging childcare when it's something she wants to do, like going out partying with her friends, yet I’m still the bad guy for wanting to live my own life!

Honestly, I can't even with this double standard. So now, instead of standing up for myself, I have to defend my right to enjoy my weekends without being guilt-tripped by the family. They seem to think I’m just supposed to fall in line and prioritize her lifestyle over my own.

Just to clarify, I completely support a parent's need for a break. I’ve offered to babysit occasionally but when it becomes a required duty every weekend? Nah. I told my sister she needs to find a real solution instead of relying on me as her free childcare service.

So to the family members still texting me about how I should "help her out more," understand this: I have a life too, and I'm not about to sacrifice it because she feels entitled to my time.

Yeah the title is real. I'm in a book club. We are all suburban white women. Most are more liberal than me and wildly more so than my husband. Background is we are on the brink of divorce. Trying to claw our way back so we can be 1 loving home for our children - but we have big differences.

So we are having major issues. And he brought up a book he found on the counter the other day that I brought home from the library. It's in fact the book of the month from my book club lent to me by my friend bc the wait was long for it and I didn't want to waste an audible credit. I DID NOT CHOOSE THE BOOK THIS MONTH I DON'T HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WAS NOT EVEN AT LAST MONTH'S MEETING DUE TO ONE OUR KIDS' BIRTHDAYS BEING ON THAT DAY. I have not even started it. He said how he read the back and it is about a wife cheating on her husband then she and her husband end up finding a dead prostitute and all this murder mystery shit.

He told me how if I valued us I wouldn't read it because reading a book about a woman cheating on her husband during this time when we are breaking down is a bad idea. It puts bad things into the brain, dreams, universe, etc etc that my friends must have husbands who cheat on them and they have had marriages and we are trying to fix ours so why would I essentially bring that negative stuff into my life.

Yall I basically shut down. Of all my friends (BESIDES THE ONE WHO RECENTLY GOT DIVORCED) we have THE WORST marriage. But I have never and would never cheat. If I got to that point that I was seriously considering it I would know it was done. I cannot stress enough that it has never been an issue in our marriage. I think I should tell him he should stop watching UFC fights because in the marriage environment we are in it's for the best. Because you never know, his emotional abuse could spill over to physical if he watches too much.

Having him police fiction novels I read for book club is insane to me. So I'm going to return the book to the library as a front and still waste an audible credit on it and listen to the audiobook anyways.

AITAH if I go ahead and do it anyways? I mean, I downloaded it already. Just gonna hide the listening.

Edit: also to add we have read multiple books about cheating spouses both man and wife. And we have read one about a mother who murdered 1 kid and tried to murder another. Never tried to murder my kids after that.

I’ll keep this short but this is overall just a shit situation, I feel like any decision I make will be the wrong one. We are in our early 20’s talking about marriage. My family has a 200 acre farm 1 hour south of Nashville, TN. I love taking care of animals and watching them grow, I love being in nature. This woman told me that she will only live in a neighborhood because she “doesn’t feel safe” and there is nothing I can do to change it. She says she doesn’t want to raise her kids out in the country. I guess that is what she is used to. She told me to let her know what I would rather have… which has left me feeling like shit. I guess my point of making this post is I just wanted to say it to somebody. I just want feedback, thanks.

Original post.

Okay, so I wanted to update everyone because things have escalated, and it’s even crazier than I expected. After my last post, I thought maybe my family would come around to my way of thinking. Instead, they absolutely lost it! My brother called me crying, saying I'm ruining his happiness, and my parents have taken his side 100%.

In a fit of rage, I ended up posting screenshots of our conversations in our family group chat. You know, the ones where he called me "selfish" and "petty." Yeah, I regret that decision, but it felt like a "let’s air this dirty laundry" moment. My extended family saw the texts and now half of them think I'm justified, while the other half is calling ME the family villain.

To add fuel to the fire, my ex-girlfriend reached out to me directly. She said it’s unfair that I’m acting like she’s some monster when I should just be “mature” about the situation. I told her she would always be a reminder of my brother’s betrayal and that I won’t ever see her in a positive light. She then had the audacity to say my brother might reconsider his whole wedding if I’m not there!

Now, my parents want us to have a family meeting to discuss this drama like we’re some sort of reality TV show. I told them I’m not showing up if it’s just going to be him whining while my ex is basking in it all. Call me dramatic, but this whole mess has made me feel like I’m in an episode of a soap opera.

So now I’m considering throwing some cash into the mix for an epic weekend getaway instead of funding his wedding. His wedding is becoming about my ex and not about him! Honestly, I feel justified in saying no. I’m still standing my ground, but part of me is genuinely worried this might tear my family apart.

Edit: I'm overwhelmed by all the replies, and I appreciate them all. I'm sorry if I'm unable to reply to them all, but I read every single one.

This has been eating at me for a while, and my family is split on who's in the wrong, so I need outside opinions.

My sister, *Anna* (27F), was dating *Mark* (29M) for about three years. They lived together, had a dog together, and honestly seemed perfect for each other. Mark was a good guy—stable job, treated Anna really well, and was basically part of the family. I liked him, and even our parents adored him.

A few months ago, Anna told me that she was starting to feel "bored" in the relationship. She said Mark was a little too predictable and that she missed the excitement of dating. I told her that was normal after a while and suggested they plan something spontaneous or talk things through, but she seemed set on causing drama.

Next thing I know, Anna tells me she’s been secretly flirting with this guy at her gym, *Ethan* (25M). She said it was just "innocent fun" to spice things up, but I told her she was playing with fire. Well, apparently that escalated, and she ended up hooking up with Ethan.

Mark found out after she left her phone unlocked, and all the texts between her and Ethan were right there. He was devastated and broke up with her immediately. Anna was heartbroken too, but more because she "didn't think he'd find out," and she "just wanted some fun, not to ruin the relationship."

This is where things get heated. Anna called me crying, saying Mark was being "dramatic" for leaving her over one mistake and that she didn’t deserve to lose everything over a fling. She wanted me to comfort her, but instead, I lost it. I told her that she **deserved** the breakup because she cheated and hurt someone who treated her so well. I said she made her bed, and now she had to lie in it.

Anna hung up on me, and now she’s telling everyone in the family that I "kicked her while she was down" and that I’m a terrible sister for not supporting her during a hard time. My parents think I was harsh but agree with what I said, while a few relatives are saying I should've been kinder since she’s already suffering the consequences of her actions.

So, Reddit, AITA for telling my sister she deserved her breakup?

My girlfriend was going out with friends on Saturday. There was an event on at the club in town so they were going for food and then a few drinks then going to the club.

She asked what I was planning for the evening and I said I'd likely just have a couple of drinks, order some food and play video games and watch Netflix and have a nice chilled night.

She got a bit annoyed and said she might have asked me to pick her up but I can't if I'm drinking. I said she could always get a taxi like she usually does. She asked if I'd book it for her and I said I would if I was awake but that there's a good chance I'll already be asleep.

She said I should wait up then but I just pointed out the club night finishes at 3am so I'm not waiting up until 3 just to possibly book a taxi. I pointed out she's more than capable of sorting out her own taxis.

She said she wasn't asking for much and that it's only one night but I just said she can't expect me to sit around waiting for her.

She just said again that she wasn't asking for much and I should be fine with helping her. I told her again to text me when she's finished and if I'm awake I'll book a taxi but if not she is more than capable of booking it herself or getting a friend to book it.

AITA for not staying up to book a taxi?

I (21F) recently broke off my engagement to my fiancé (23M) because he gave me an ultimatum: him or my seven younger siblings. Two years ago, my mom abandoned us, leaving me to take care of them all by myself. The kids are aged 3 to 11, and each of them has a different dad, none of whom are involved. They don’t pay child support or have any contact with us. So, I’m the only adult in their lives. I work one full time and two part time jobs to support them, I'm constantly exhausted. I work over 80 hours a week.

My fiancé knew my situation from the beginning, we're coworkers at one of my jobs. I’ve been upfront about everything, the sleepless nights, juggling their school and daycare schedules, making meals, helping with homework, and trying to create some stability in their lives after our mom walked out. I didn’t want them to end up in foster care because I was in foster care myself when I was younger and experienced graphic and violent sexual abuse. I can’t risk that happening to them, so I’ve done everything in my power to keep us together as a family.

When my fiancé and I first got together, he was understanding, even supportive. But after we got engaged last year, he started changing. He wanted us to focus on “our future” and move in together, but that wasn’t an option for me. I’ve got seven kids to care for, and I couldn’t leave them behind. They’ve already been abandoned once.

A week ago, he sat me down and said he couldn’t handle it anymore. He said I was throwing my life away for kids that aren’t even mine and that I needed to choose between him and my family. He said he wasn’t prepared to live the rest of his life “raising someone else’s kids” and that I was being selfish by refusing to prioritize him.

I didn't even hesitate to give him his ring back. I love him, but my siblings come first, always. They need me more than he does and I already spend enough time working and caring for the kids, I don't have time for bullshit. Now, his family is furious. They’ve been calling me selfish, saying I’m a “martyr” who’s ruining my life for a bunch of kids who should be someone else’s responsibility. His mom even told me I’ll regret this choice when I’m alone and miserable in a few years.

Part of me wonders if they’re right. I never imagined my life would turn out this way, and I do miss the idea of having a future with my fiancé. But at the same time, I can’t abandon my siblings. They’re my responsibility now, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure they’re safe and loved. Does that make me an asshole?

Ok, so this has been bothering me for a while, and I’m at my wits’ end. I (28F) have been babysitting my nephew (5M) for the past year or so, a few times a week. I work from home, and my brother (34M) and his wife asked me if I could help out because they both have demanding jobs. At first, I didn’t mind because I love my nephew, and he’s generally well-behaved.

But recently, my brother did something that has me fuming.

Last week, I was babysitting, and my nephew had a total meltdown. He didn’t want to go to bed, and when I tried to calm him down, he threw his toys all over the place. I told my brother about it when he came to pick him up, and he brushed it off, saying “he’s just a kid.” I told him I understand that, but it was out of control, and he should talk to him about it. My brother basically ignored me, took my nephew, and left.

A couple of days later, I found out through a mutual friend that my brother had been telling people I’m “too soft” and that I “don’t know how to handle kids.” He even joked that I was probably making it up because I “can’t deal with real-life responsibilities.”

I was so hurt. I’ve been helping them out for free, rearranging my schedule for them, and this is how he talks about me behind my back? When I confronted him about it, he acted like it was no big deal and said, “It was just a joke, don’t be so sensitive.”

Since then, I’ve been seriously reconsidering whether I want to keep babysitting for them. I feel like my effort isn’t appreciated, and now I’m being mocked for trying to help. My brother is mad because he thinks I’m overreacting, and my mom said I should just let it go, but I feel like I deserve more respect than this.

So, AITA for not wanting to babysit anymore after what my brother said?

I broke up with my bf of four months because he would often speak to me in an annoyed tone, second guess things I would say often, never complimented me, and didn’t take an active interest in my hobbies. I complimented him every time I saw him, always did my best to speak to him with care and kindness, and took interest in his hobbies. He thinks I should have been more communicative about my issues (which I had previously discussed with him how he spoke to me and he only managed to fix it for a week)but I don’t think it is my job to tell my partner to treat me right? If he really cared for me wouldn’t he just naturally compliment me, speak me to kindly, and take interest in my hobbies? Idk AITA?

36M. I married my college sweetheart and we have three kids together (6M, 3M, and 0F). My daughter was born a little less than six months ago, and the postpartum period has been difficult for my wife.

My wife had a hard childhood. She was sexually abused by an older relative, and she got no support from her other relatives when she came forward. As a result, she's not in contact with her mom, dad, or two older brothers.

My wife did everything she was "supposed to do" after being abused, including filing a police report and going to therapy. But she still struggles with what happened when she was younger. She has PTSD and depression, but has had it "under control" for years.

But something happened to my wife once our daughter was born. I could tell she was not usual, cheery self, but initially thought it was just adjusting to having a new baby. I also noticed she didn't seem to be bonding with our daughter as naturally as she did with our boys. When our baby was about four months old, my wife told me she's having terrible nightmares about something happening to our daughter. She told me she couldn't stop thinking about what happened to her, and feels hopeless.

I tried to help her, but nothing seemed to be working. About a month ago, I came home to my wife laying on our bathroom floor sobbing. She was holding a bottle of pills, and saying she wanted to die. I called the 911 immediately. My wife was kept in the hospital for about a week. Luckily, the kids were with my mother when this happened (my wife would have never done anything with them in the house), and so they didn't see or hear anything.

My two little ones obviously were too young to understand, but my mother and I told my older son that his mother is dealing with some sadness and had to stay at the hospital for a bit until she felt better. My son was incredibly distressed while my wife was away. He's sensitive, and is incredibly close with his mother. I tried to comfort him by saying the doctors were going to help her, but my son was still sad.

My son asked why his mom was so sad one night, and I panicked and said a grown up did bad things to her when she was little and that makes her feel sad sometimes. He didn't understand, and I said that someone touched her in places that weren't appropriate. My son accepted my answer, and didn't ask any other questions.

My wife is feeling much better now and feels terrible about what happened. I really do think postpartum depression played a large roll in this combined with having her first daughter. My wife is doing everything she's supposed to do, and is making a huge effort to feel better for me and the kids. I'm incredibly proud of her.

Yesterday, my oldest son went to a birthday party and came back overtired from a sugar crash and playing all day. My son was throwing a tantrum and crying, and my wife asked what was wrong, he said he was sad that someone did bad things to her when she was little. My wife was confused, and I explained the conversation I had with our son while she was in the hospital. My wife told my son that she's okay now and he has nothing to worry about.

My wife is furious with me. She said she didn't want her kids to know about her abuse and worry about her, especially when they're so little. I explained that I didn't know what to say, and had to explain why she was gone to an upset child. I also said I didn't give any specifics and explained in child friendly terms. My wife says I didn't need to tell him about an adult hurting her when she was little, and said I should have cleared that with her first.

Ideally I would have, but she was in the hospital at the time, and I was the one there to answer our son's questions. AITAH?

I (26M) live with my roommate, Sarah (25F), and overall we get along well. However, something happened recently, and I can't decide if I'm overreacting.

A little backstory: I love to cook, and I sometimes make these fancy meals as a treat for myself. Last week, I made an amazing batch of lasagna from a family recipe that’s been passed down for generations. I was super excited about it and specifically set aside one last piece in the fridge for myself to enjoy after a long workday. I even labeled it “DO NOT EAT.”

Well, yesterday, I came home from work and opened the fridge only to find that my lasagna was gone! I immediately asked Sarah about it, and she admitted she ate it. Her excuse? “I didn’t feel like cooking, and I thought you wouldn’t mind because we always share food.”

I was livid because this wasn’t just any meal—it was a special family recipe, and I’d been looking forward to it all day. I told her that it was really inconsiderate, especially since I labeled it, and that she should have asked first. She apologized, but it didn’t feel genuine.

This morning, Sarah asked if I could give her a ride to work because her car was in the shop. Normally, I’d have no problem helping out, but I was still salty about the lasagna incident and told her, “Sorry, I’m not feeling generous today.” She ended up having to take an Uber and was clearly upset, saying I was being petty.

Now I’m starting to wonder if I overreacted. She did apologize for eating my food, but I’m still annoyed. AITA for refusing to drive her to work after she ate my leftovers, or was I justified in standing my ground?

We're both 23. I'll call my bf Tom for the sake of this post.

We've been dating for 1 and a half years. Tom is between jobs right now. He was laid off through no fault of his own and has been trying really hard to search for a new job.

His lease ran out while all this was happening and his apartment decided to do recheck income for renewals. My understanding is that this is super rare so he just got unlucky.

He asked to move in while he looks for a job last month, and we were planning on moving in together by like May of next year anyways so I figured why not.

For context of the story, I used to dress up really covered even in heat but this summer I've been trying to be confident and trying out "shorter" clothes, like any sort of combination of sleeveless and/or cropped tops, miniskirts/short shorts. That kind of thing. And my bf knows this and was supportive initially, and I was able to get super comfortable in them.

A few days ago, out of the blue, he starts telling me that he thinks it's time to "cover up". This came out of the blue because he initially was super supportive about breaking out of my initial insecurities. He told me that he changed his mind and now feels like me dressing with my new fashion that I love makes guys think I'm available. I told him that I dress for me and my friends, and that if any guy thinks I'm "available" based off the clothes I wear, then it's his problem since I'm obviously rejecting any advances. He said that it's my responsibility to dress in a way that does not make guys want to approach. This caught me way off guard because I have the right to look good whether guys want to approach me more, less, or the same, which is what I told him. And again, this is from a man that encouraged me to get out of my shell of hiding my body in the first place. My bf ended it by saying that if I'm the type of person that liked the feeling of attention from men then it's a sign that I am disloyal and there's not much he could do about it. I didn't reply and he sort of walked away.

The next day, I told him that we were done and I wanted him out of the apartment immediately. He started crying and told me he had nowhere to go, and would burn the last of his savings staying in hotels. I told him he should've thought of that before trying to control what I wear and held my ground.

I have no regret for breaking it off, but I do feel bad for kicking someone to the curb when they were in need. He texted me saying that he is ok with breaking up but I am an AH for kicking him out when he needed help, which is kind of making me question myself.

I (32f) recently got married to Walt (28m). Walt is amazing but he has a bad habit of calling me fat. I know he doesn't mean it in a bad way but I don't like it, at least not yet. Last Sunday, he was calling me his fat wife in bed. I stopped everything to tell him that I don't like that kind of dirty talk. Walt told me that calling a woman fat being a bad thing is just a stupid Hollywood cliche. He said that real men love fat women. I told him to stop calling me fat, at least for a while. He said it's not an insult. I said saying certain things can feel like an insult regardless of the context. He said I was being gaslight by Hollywood. I was angry. I looked him at his naked self up and down and I honestly was having a hard time find anything to criticize. He is such a beautiful man. I told him I honestly like that he has an average-sized penis because really big penises can hurt. That was my truth. I was just expecting him to be a little hurt by that but he was more than a little hurt. He said I was making fun of him and I said I meant it, I did mean it. I told him the narrative that all women wanting a giant penis in them is just a Hollywood cliche. He said I was perverted what he said into a cruel attempt to shame him. I said I didn't mean to hurt him that badly. He said he when he called me fat, he had zero intentions of hurting me. He said the fact that I wanted to hurt him a little just shows my cruelty. I think he might have a point. He has been giving me the silent treatment and he has been voluntarily choosing to sleep on the couch. Am I the asshole ?

Edit: I am a little over 300 lb. Yes I am aware my husband has a fat fetish. I prefer an average-sized penis over a huge penis.

2nd Edit: I'm going to make an update post after I talk to my husband since it seems like a lot of strangers care more about me than he does. I more I tried to defend my husband in the comments, the more I question why I married this man. He not only enjoys my size, he enjoys my struggle to lose weight, my struggle to not overeat, my struggle to exercise, ect. He calls me stinky. He always pokes the places I'm most insecure about. Random strangers feel to care more about my physical health, mental health, and future than my own husband. It's really eye-opening.

hi 👋 throwaway account because unfortunately this story is very real.

3 weeks ago, i saw some texts on my (33f) husband’s (33m) phone and learned he has been having a full blown affair for the past 2 years. we have been married for 6 years, and together for 14. he insists this is the only person he’s ever cheated with but they said “i love you” and i found love notes and a stupid embroidery thing she made him squirreled away in his home office.

i don’t know if it’s possible for me to ever trust him again when i had to catch him after 2 years of cheating (and not wearing a condom and not getting tested, all while still very much having sex with me). he wants to go to couples therapy but i told him i wouldn’t feel comfortable working on our relationship until he let me put a tracker app on his phone, since honestly the sex part of the cheating bothers me so much less than the attention and love part (he deleted 990+ texts between them and i was only able to screenshot a couple. it’s my understanding that permanently deleting the texts was a frequent occurrence and this was just the most recent batch). it’s not even about having access to his phone as much as it’s about the gesture of him installing the app, showing he has nothing (more) to hide.

AITA for making this tracking app an ultimatum for moving forward? i thought this man was the love of my life, we had the most beautiful wedding, i’m so integrated into his family who i love dearly but the morning he came to get his stuff he told me he changed his mind about letting me install the app after he had already agreed to it.

now we’re in this weird limbo where he’s “still considering” the app but wants us to go to couples therapy first—when i’ve made it very clear, the app has to come first. he cheated on me for 2 years, i feel like i’m allowed at least 1 ultimatum. AITA? should we just divorce and i should stop wasting my time?

EDIT: we do not have kids and i got tested for STDs first thing.

I 33 male was married to my ex wife Cindy for about 6 years until I found out that she was having an affair with her current husband Jake and they got married immediately after our divorce was final now that you lovely folks are caught up let’s get to the issue.

Last week my ex texted me out of the blue and was telling me she’s unhappy with her husband I simply ignored the shit until her husband Jake showed up to my house ready to fight me because he saw what my ex wife sent me reminder i hadn’t even viewed the messages so I decided to view the messages.

And the messages were basically videos of her twerking naked and showed her husband and told him “you need to be more pissed off your wife because you noticed I didn’t even respond but you over here mad at me “. He left after that and behold the bitch in question is now mad at me so AITAH ?

You’ll NEVER be the asshole for leaving your cheating partner!! Idk why this is such a popular question in this sub but no, you’re not the asshole if you decided to leave your cheating partner. Please, give it a rest.

TW: child death

I was married to Tom for 8 years and we two sons Roger (6-back then 4) and my late son Carl (2). I lost Carl after my husband brother “mark” accidentally ranned him over. I still remember that they I went to work with two boys alive and came back with only one still breathing.

I was heartbroken and Tom was too. During the midst of this I wanted to cut off mark fully I didn’t trust him around Roger but Tom didn’t he said it was an accident and his brother had exiled himself(he had moved out the state to give everyone space) and he that he couldn’t bring himself to hate his brother forever. I told him fine and said we were done he wanted to chose our child’s murder over me he could that.

I had no one his family wanted to protect mark so badly and he was too focused on being a brother than being my husband and father to our son.

I divorced him much to him disagreeing and begging em to reconsider for Roger but I just couldn’t love him anymore. We got 75/25 since I had more financial advantages to raise Roger.

After that I stopped talking to Tom and his family completely we used the parenting app and outside of that(rogers events and school stuff) I didn’t want to talk to him or see him

He kept trying to reach out apologizing and begging me to forgive him and that he couldn’t lose his best-friend I just ignored him.

It’s been two years and well I’m trying to move on still go to therapy and I’m drowning myself in work and my baby.

Last night he ended up calling me I thought something was up with Roger since it was his day but before I knew it he broke down crying. He just cried for a long time I don’t know why but i just let him And didn’t hang up like I would have.

Finally he settled and just asked to please forgive him I asked him how could I when he was so quick to dismiss our sons death, he said the shock of carls death couldn’t let him lose another piece of him(mark) I told him that was fine but that dosent mean I should be fine with seeing my kid murder I didn’t care if it was an a accident my kid was dead because mark couldnt bother to not be negligent had it been me ruining over marks kid I doubt his family would have been so forgiving. We went back and forth and it the middle he asked me if I loved him. I told him I did but I just couldn’t stand him anymore.

He got quiet then asked if I was willing to be friends again he said that despite all of this he just wanted me back in his life I told I was since I’m his sons mother he repeated. Now this might be the part that I would have been the ass I told him when Carl comes back to life I’ll be his friends till then our relationship is staying this I told him to move on then hunged up

I though nothing off but his family especially his mother have been harassing me and calling a witch and I’ll burn in hell the book I’ve just responded that their sons is a murder so I guess will both be burning then.

I’m just here because I fell lost. Aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/F0lclOjjnm

So here is my update on what happened to my best friend and her ex husband. I will try to link the original post again. I ended up not warning the ex husband like you guys advised me not to. Again, I will not divulge any information about locations names or ago.

Shortly after my post, my best friend asked her ex husband to make his divorce announcement public. To say how he regretted it and how he still loved her and wanted things to work out between them. I guess she wanted everything to be on social media for everyone to see.

He was more than willing to do it, afterwards he thought everything was going to be fine between them because he did everything she told him to. He showered her with flowers sent to her place every morning. And expensive gifts, that my best friend just kept in her hall, unopened. She told him that she didn’t trust him yet because as long as the divorce wasn’t finalized, he could always take advantage of her and go back to his co worker.

The divorce was finalized last week and of course the first thing her ex did was calling her to tell her the news. After that she ghosted him. And she hasn’t answered his calls since.

I met her yesterday and she was so elated. I have never thought that vindictiveness and revenge would make someone this happy. She said that this was the first time she felt happy since she found out about the affair. I felt very sad inside and I don’t know why. I love my friend and I don’t want her to change but I don’t recognize her very much. I asked her if this was it. If she really felt happy and she said that she did. She was very ready to move on. I asked her what if he and the college ended up back together. She said that she would not care at all. That she hoped they would get back together now with what happened always being between them but that she wouldn’t begrudge them moving on. Separately or together, she didn’t care anymore. She sent back all the unopened gifts.

I don’t know what to feel but terrible sadness. These two loved each other more than anything and were so happy together at one point in their lives and now….. and my friend, she was the kindest person I know and now……..

Oh well, this is my update

I (27F) am getting married soon, and I told my dad (55M) that I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle. He was mostly absent during my childhood and only really started trying to have a relationship with me after I graduated college. Now he’s hurt and says I’m being unfair because he’s my only father. AITA?

I (28F) am getting married in a few months, and the planning is in full swing. My sister, Jenna (25F), recently started dating Mark (27M). While Jenna seems happy with him, I have serious reservations about Mark due to some troubling behavior.

A few weeks ago, Mark made some racist jokes about my fiancé (29M), who is of a different race. During a casual dinner, Mark made derogatory remarks that were both hurtful and offensive. My fiancé was understandably upset, and the atmosphere became very tense. I tried to address it with Jenna and Mark, but Mark brushed it off, saying it was just a joke and that we were being too sensitive.

Additionally, my fiancé and I have been financially assisting Mark with his new business venture, believing it was a good opportunity for him to get on his feet. However, after witnessing his behavior and the racist comments, we’ve decided to stop funding his business. We felt it was important to draw a line and not support someone who shows such disregard for respect and kindness.

Given Mark’s offensive behavior and the impact it has had on us, we’ve decided not to invite him to our wedding. Jenna is very upset with this decision and feels that we’re being unfair to both her and Mark. She says that we’re judging him too harshly and that he should be given a chance to prove himself.

Our relationship with Jenna is now strained, and I’m feeling conflicted about whether I made the right decision. I wanted our wedding to be a positive and respectful celebration, free from the kind of negativity and disrespect that Mark’s behavior has shown.

AITA for banning my sister’s new boyfriend from my wedding and cutting off financial support after his racist jokes and troubling behavior?

For some context, my ex and I broke up a year ago, it was a very hard breakup for me, i really thought he was the love of my life and honestly i was heartbroken. But it needed to happen since he didnt love me anymore haha, at least not in a romantic way, (but thats another story) We had a mutual friend which i actually met during the relationship with him. She was friends with him before tho

When we broke up she was supeeer supportive and was there for me, chatting with me, seeing me cry, blah blah.

This year we havent seen each other that much but we still chat and i lent her some clothes for a concert she had, and we went to have dinner we talked some more, then i went to another city for a bit, so we didnt get to see each other. But we still talked from time to time, in mid july I knew her bday was coming up so we talked about celebrating her bday and I told her that I wasnt in the city yet but that as soon as i got back we would go have brunch so we could celebrate even if it was the two of us, she said okaay and then on her bday mid august, I posted a story with her and she reposted it like normal everything normal

Today i found out she has been hooking up with my ex since July….

So Idk how to feel…. Honestly im mad and i am sad and feel a little betrayed.

Not even by him, he is my ex, she is(was) my friend!

So its like ah?

I know that kind of stuff can happen… the heart wants what it wants… but man i would have understand it so much more if she had just told me rather than me finding out from someone else, that also said “i wasnt supposed to say anything, sorry, she is gonna kill me” ah?

She did not only… didnt have the decency to tell me… but also wanted to hide it!

The person said: oh but she does feel guilty.

Oohhhkay

Im not gonna confront her or anything. I just unfollowed her and thats it.

But man…

AITAH for feeling bettayed? Should I be happy for them or something?

I could go into extensive detail on the 3 year nightmare this situation has been and if anyone is interested, I’m happy to post the novel length story but just for general background: My ex-husband (28) and I (28) finalized our divorce in May 2022 after separating in 2021. He got married less than a year after we divorced. This will be primarily about his wife, who we will call “Jane” (29). Jane has a son we will refer to as “T” (8). We will refer to my daughter as “H” (5). Another small piece of information that relates to this is that I’m a Social Worker and I work in a field where I’m constantly navigating individuals with severe mental health diagnoses; specifically Anti Social Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

So, Jane. We started out on friendly terms. She attempted the whole “best friend co parent” thing but from the beginning, it felt very manipulative. She insisted I communicate with her and not him, she always said stuff like “awe H likes to call me mommy, isn’t that sweet?”, and posted H on social media constantly with captions like “not my blood but definitely my daughter”. All of which I delusionally found some gratitude for because at least she was kind to H. Well that all went to shit and I could go on and on about the events that occurred between Aug 22-present day. In an effort to keep this a manageable length, I’ll just say that after a series of events, I’ve concluded that Jane has untreated Borderline Personality Disorder. Here’s some reasons why, if you need examples, I’ll happily share:

•she isolated my ex from his entire family so much that he has zero contact with his parents and brother now. He never went more than 3 days without speaking to them until he was with her •she has pitted my ex against his entire family •she doesn’t allow him to do anything alone and will lose her shit when she can’t be with him for things •his family says she’s physically abusive towards him •she lied to my ex’s mom about being pregnant after finding out they started communicating with me about her. They also think she may have a significant mental illness. •his family and friends had an intervention for him in which he admitted to being unhappy and her being “crazy” but shortly after that, he cut everyone off •my daughter has told me that Jane tried to make H call her “mommy” but H told me it made her feel uncomfortable •H has broken down about Jane telling her that H’s will never see her grandmother again because the grandmother communicates with me now •Jane has control of everything. My ex can’t even message me without her approval. •Lastly, Jane victimizes herself at every chance she gets. She constantly has to be the center of attention and chimes in about everything because she thinks she knows better.

Anyways, to wrap it up, we’re in a pretty brutal custody case now. He petitioned for full custody last year which resulted in a Guardian Ad Litem being ordered (an attorney that represents the best interest of a child and investigates to make recommendations for a judge) and a lot of Jane’s bad behavior coming to light. The GAL has even mentioned her concerns and recommended I remain the residential parent, giving him every other weekend. And now my ex’s parents are petitioning for grandparent visitation because my ex won’t let our daughter see them (I do but if he finds out, he’ll go get her). Now, both his parents and I are asking Jane be evaluated before she cares for H unsupervised. I just don’t want our daughter to suffer anymore than she has. She’s had some significant impact from this entire ordeal and knowing how untreated BPD can harm kids, I feel like I have to ask.

Clarification: 1. I can acknowledge the label of BPD isn’t as important as her behavior. As a mental health professional, BPD is just far more concerning than someone who just needs to grow up. I agree, her behavior is wrong regardless. And when I said I’m a social worker, I suppose I should’ve clarified that I meant I see people with significant disorders every day, I’ve therapeutically diagnosed plenty of people with plenty of disorders- am I overreacting to this because I’m so used to seeing it and I’m just overly fearful for my daughter?

1. Our current custody stuff now has been going on for a year now. I have an attorney and we established a lot of the parenting time agreements so far before I had any knowledge of the more serious behaviors that my ex’s family had brought to light for me when he cut them off. The GAL has investigated the concerns about Jane and has made recommendations regarding those- none being a psych eval. I have asked for this through my attorney and the GAL. My attorney said we can ask for anything but I need to consider these requests are hardly granted outside of state involved CPS cases, which this is not. I’m still going to request these evals until a judge says no.

2. I made a comment about being considerate of my ex and I want to clarify. My consideration is absolutely part that he’s a victim to his wife, however, I’m fully aware he doesn’t see that way and if I’m being completely honest, I hate him for it because it’s impacting our daughter. My consideration is the trauma my daughter will experience if I start pissing Jane off with my requests and my fear is they don’t get approved and now I’ve lit a huge fire that I have to attempt to co parent with. And don’t get it twisted, I’ll go to war for her. I’ve been at a massive war for her for 3 years now and made HUGE progress. I’m not asking for legal advice. Im not asking if I should spare my ex’s feelings. I’ll go after every area of his life before I enable his victimization to victimize my daughter and I won’t feel a single ounce of regret if his mental health deteriorates in the process.

So let me rephrase this: AITAH for asking for this eval because if it’s not approved, I’ve possibly made the situation worse. Am I overreacting or looking at the wrong avenues? And maybe this didn’t belong in AITAH- I’ll apologize for that if it’s misplaced, I suppose it was heavy on my mind.

My friend (24F) and I (23F) went to buy lottery tickets together for fun. We each bought one, but we didn’t make any specific agreement to split any winnings. I ended up winning a decent amount of money (about $5,000), and now she’s upset that I’m not giving her half. She says we were “in it together,” but I feel like we never had that conversation. AITA?